Birthday Wishes

A lot of the feedback I’ve received on this blog over the past few years has been dudes mansplaining the brokenness of my relationships to me. Apparently, there’s this conception that I’m only writing about feminism online because I’m incapable of having positive and successful relationships in my real life. Not so! I would argue that a) the internet is part of real life and b) my offline relationships are so fulfilling and wonderful that I heavily prioritize them over arguing with strangers online (which is why this site is rarely updated).

Lucky for you, today is my best friend‘s birthday and thus provides the perfect opportunity for you to get a little glimpse inside the real life friendship of two angry feminist killjoys. Below are some birthday wishes, lovingly published here because they’d otherwise be lost among a million Facebook messages, 4,020 unread email messages, or USPS’d to the wrong address because my BFF has a very exciting and fabulous life that involves traveling the world.

  1. I hope somebody visits alotofsorrow.com and buys that for you. I came THIS CLOSE to buying it for you myself, but that’s ridiculous, even for me.
  2. I hope your Balloon Fiesta sweatshirts never pill and that your ABQ sweatshirt collection continues to grow, courtesy of the geniuses running that store in Old Town.
  3. I hope you never run out of lavender soap/lotion/bath salts/rooms, etc.
  4. I hope boys stop telling you about The National, as if you don’t already know.
  5. I hope you experience the true joy of wearing a crop top you love.
  6. I hope you eat an obscene amount of Flying Star bagels (and think of me, LBP, when you do.)
  7. I hope you always have someone looking out for you when you’re in potentially scary situations, like that time we were in the middle of the desert and there were some suspicious folks lurking outside the building I was in, so you followed me inside, because if we go down, we both go down together.
  8. I hope you take some real time off.
  9. I hope you always find easy on street parking in front of your favorite restaurant, even when you’re driving a veritable semi-truck.
  10. I hope you get Wi-Fi.
  11. I hope every time you consider feeling bad about yourself, you give that voice in your head a name and tell it to buzz off, ie: “Andrea, you’re deranged and I’m fabulous.”
  12. I hope your avocadoes are always perfectly ripe.
  13. I hope you always hear your favorite songs on the radio.
  14. I hope boys stop trying to claim a room in our Adobe House.
  15. I hope a Diva cup makes its way back into your life. *insert emoji of hair flipping girl*
  16. I hope you have easy access to a bathtub suitable for bath bombs.
  17. I hope all your dreams involve eating sandwiches with Dessners.
  18. I hope you become the literary sommelier darling of book club (and also maybe always tell me what you’re reading so I can participate from afar).
  19. I hope you gasp when you get to that part in Rebecca that you definitely didn’t see coming and then call me to talk about it, because I’m going to feel like a prize dummy if it was super obvious and I missed all the signs.
  20. I hope you go on at least one hike that isn’t a muddy death trap.
  21. I hope you know that it’s good to love something/person/place so much that it’s sad to say goodbye, even when you know you’re doing the right thing—which is a thing I think you already know, because you handle your life very gracefully.
  22. I hope you’re always feelin’ 22 (and also maybe don’t kill me for always bringing Taylor Swift into everything).
  23. I hope you hang out with lots and lots of really cool lady friends.
  24. And finally, to quote something you wrote to me back to you, I hope you stay furious, sweet angel.
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